


I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice

by Crymore



Series: Raylin Palmer [7]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV)
Genre: A lot of shit transpires, Blow Job, Character Development, Christmas fic, F/M, Feels, Raylin tries to be a good gf, birthday blow, even if it’s october, first I love you, gift giving leads to crying, len has emotions, len has major emotional issues, lens birthday and Christmas, reconnection with family, suffer, sweet sweet cutesy shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 09:40:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16194926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crymore/pseuds/Crymore
Summary: Between Len’s birthday and Christmas, Ray is rushing to make the perfect gift. Len is have some internal issues with himself around all the celebration.





	I’ll hold your hands, they’re just like ice

**Author's Note:**

> Boy! Was this a lot longer than I thought it would be! Enjoy the Christmas special in October. Man did this kick my ass.

To say Raylin was a hopeless romantic would be an understatement. Len had said more than once her brain was bigger than her heart, and that actually meant something to someone with a genius status. She loved giving grand gestures of love, loved receiving them, love the little smile her partners get when they see the labors of her heart and find joy in it. 

Which is why she’s smiling like a maniac as she sketches the design of a new cold gun. 

No offense to Cisco; the original concept was great and creative- but there definitely could use some improvements. 

For starters, settings would be nice. A single cold blast temperature that always results in fatality… well, since Len’s change of villainy to at least moral grayness, maybe a non-deadly stream option would be nice. Like a little rotary dial by the handle so Len’s thumb could reach it. Secondly, even though she loved the design, the cold gun isn’t really… inconspicuous. Len has complained more than once about the weight. And a better cold cell containment; as seeing as Len has a constant case of frostnip. Maybe a more accurate stream…

The more Ray thought about it, the more excited she became. If she’s lucky, she can finish making it by Len’s birthday. If not, then defiantly by Christmas, which was only two weeks after. 

The difficult part won’t be making it, it’ll be convincing Cisco to give her the design of the cold cell. God if she only had access to her PalmerTech lab. 

—-

So, Ray didn’t have the new gun done by Len’s birthday. The whole day was filled with Lisa and Mick doing nice little things for him around Central while Ray stayed behind at the warehouse working on the gun. 

She might have missed Len by a few minutes, though, seeing as she left around lunch time to go to STAR Labs to get the cold cell design from Cisco around the time he would have came back for lunch himself.

When Caitlin started crying when she saw her, Raylin realized that she’s been in Central for about a month and hadn’t told Team Flash about her presence, and that they all thought she was still on the Waverider.

Cisco walked in the middle of Ray hugging Caitlin to calm her down. 

“Raylin? I thought you were with the Legends?” He said, baffled. 

Ray chuckled awkwardly. “Haha, funny story, actually…” she trailed off. 

Cisco looked at her oddly. “Will this require Barry’s help?”

“Ha, no, I’m off the team for good.” At least unless they really need more PalmerTech to update the ship. “This is kinda a long story.”

It actually only took about twenty minutes to retell. It was heavily edited, obviously. Ray didn’t tell them about the weird time contradiction with Carter or how Mick was the guy in the tin suit trying to kill them or how Len, ya’know, died. She definitely didn’t tell them that she and Len were together. No offense to Team Flash, but knowing Len, he’s probably waiting for the last possible second to reveal their relationship to anyone. 

(So far the only person outside of the Legends, Lisa, and the handful of Rogues Len commanded who know is some low grade crook that tried to weasel himself into Len’s crew the first week they got back then flirted shamelessly with Raylin (with a few crude gestures thrown in). He left, unknowingly, with a secret and a black eye).

Although she did tell Cisco and Caitlin that Leonard and Mick were back in town, and that she’s been living with them. 

“Oh, Ray you can stay with me if you need.” Caitlin offered with a heartbroken look. “I have plenty of room at my place!”

“Me too!” Cisco exclaimed. “You don’t have to stay with Cold and Heatwave.”

There was a twinge of annoyance at the names Cisco used. Raylin hadn’t heard someone say Len and Mick’s handles like that in so long. Said in distaste. 

Ray smiled softly at her friends. “They’re different now. They’re good people.” She smirked at the flabbergasted expressions on their faces. “You know, under all those layers. Literally. Mick wear at the very least four layers of clothing at all times.” Len wore three, if he could help it, but they didn’t need to know that. 

Caitlin raised a delicate eyebrow and leaned against her desk. “Are you sure? I mean, I know your legally dead, but I’m sure Felicity could funnel some your money back to you so you can get your own place. You don’t have to stay with a couple of criminals.”

Ray’s eye twitched at the word. She didn’t delude herself into thinking that Len and Mick were saints. They were selfish, and they looked out for themselves first and others second. They would always look for an angle before the moral. Always at the dollar signs before the deed. Ray didn’t agree with it, but it wasn’t her place to stand on a soap box and preach at them the right way to get profits (upper-middle class turned billionaire in under ten years, as if Raylin had any room on how the two should make their living). And the last thing Ray needed to be reminded of was her lack of funds and the fact her ex was running her company. 

“Actually, I just wanted to see the blue print concept of the cold cell used in Le-Snart’s gun.” Better not use first names here. 

Cisco looked at her oddly. “Did something happen to my gun?”

Aside from all the modifications that both Len and Ray had attributed to? “Oh, no, nothing like that. I’m just curious and Snart won’t let me get a good look.” Lie. That was a lie. Len used to let her take the gun apart and throw it together again for fun. They timed each other for sport. (Raylin always won; Len always said he let her; Ray thinks Len is a liar). 

Cisco nodded in understanding. Maybe he thought that Ray wanted to know how the gun worked because she wanted to tamper with it for her own safety or whatever (based on his sympathetic and mildly terrified look) and not only gave her the concept of the cold cell, but the original cold gun blue prints as well. 

So yay! Len wasn’t the only one getting presents! But Ray still had nothing to give Leonard for his birth day, and she determined to, especially since her told her that he never really celebrated as a child (Ray wouldnt wish harm to anyone, but she’d be fine with Mick setting Lewis Snart on fire if Len hadn’t gotten to him first).

So naturally, as Raylin does, she improvised. 

Len sauntered into Ray’s “workshop” (aka the corner of the warehouse sectioned off by boxes and old furniture that Ray kept all her “science shit” as Mick so fondly calls it and tinkers away at her projects and where Len had dragged a plushy recliner so he could watch her work) with a smirk and sans parka. Ray smiled widely at her boyfriend and kicked the box containing the blueprints and the shell of the new cold gun as well as the pink box further beneath the work bench. 

“Hi Lenny!” She chirped, quickly walking to the thief. 

Len wrapped his arms around the woman and pulled her in for a deep kiss. Ray struggled not to giggle excitedly. No matter how often she and Len kissed, it caused an eruption of butterflies in her stomach and her face to crack a huge smile. She hoped she’d never stop being this happy to kiss Len. 

The thief pulled away and immediately dropped his face into the crook of the inventor’s pale neck, worrying the skin there between his teeth. Ray squirmed and giggled at the feeling, playfully swatting the man’s shoulder. 

“Leeeeen, come on!”

“‘Scuse you.” He said, pulling away. “It’s my special day and I haven’t seen hide nor hair of my second favorite girl all day.”

Lisa would always be Len’s favorite; Ray would be angry with him if she wasn’t 

Ray rolled her eyes and suppressed a smirk. “Special day, whatever could you mean by that?” She teased, curling her arms around his neck. 

Len smirked and tightened his grip. “You say that like you haven’t written the date down over four planners and calendars.” 

Ray sighed, a little defeated. So much for element of surprise. “Sit down, I got you something.”

The thief released his girlfriend and sauntered over to his recliner. As he sat down he said, “I thought we agreed no gifts?”

Raylin smiled as she made her way to the work bench and crouched. “No, you said that we shouldn’t do presents and I said that was dumb. Now close your eyes, your genius girlfriend got you something.”

Len sighed good-naturedly but complied, leaning back in his chair and spreading his legs. Raylin sighed. What a ham. 

The engineer quickly fished out the pink box and untied the candy-colored twine, carefully picking up the small plate with the confection on it and lit the wick the candle with a lighter she snatched off the surface of the bench. 

By the time Ray made it to the villain, Len was tapping out an impatient tattoo, still smirking slightly, legs still spread. Ray rolled her eyes with a smile and gently kicked Len’s calf with the tip of her shoe. 

“Alright Casanova, open your eyes.”

Len did and looked down, between his legs, slightly confused before looking up to Ray, who had a single unimpressed eyebrow raised. 

“I was expecting something else.”

“Keep that attitude and you won’t get anything.” She teased, handing him the plate. 

Len regarded the plate with a small smile. “You know the only place to get this is that bakery across town.”

Ray smirked victoriously and sat down on one of Len’s thighs. 

“Yup, and since I got it this morning, the cake was fresh.”

It was a little known fact that Leonard Snart had a soft spot for sweets. Ray was just as surprised as anyone would be when she flinch the stash of candies in Len’s room. The cool and cold man had a sweet tooth? Impossible. Ray liked sweets, and people just chopped that up to her personality. Len liked sweets, and he seemed to lose some credibility. Probably why he doesn’t let many people know. But Raylin did, and she knew Len’s favorite treat was the vanilla bean cheesecake from this one hole in the wall bakery that Len seemed to personally fund (Ray tries not to think of Len as some kind of mafia boss; but he has his underlings and his front businesses and apparently a whole damn apartment building he own legitimately and that is just the three feet deep in that rabbit hole-).

Stuck in the middle of the cheesecake slice was a dark blue candle, burning tamely and melting. The black plastic fork laying on the side haphazardly. 

Len looked between the dark haired woman on his lap and the confection, smiling softly.

“Well?” Ray broke the silence softly. “Make a wish.”

He breathed a quiet chuckle, pulling Raylin closer to him with one arm. “I dunno. Got everything need.” He punctuated the end of his sentence by rubbing a small circle on Ray’s arm where he hand remained. 

Now hip to hip, Ray laid her head on Len’s sweater clad shoulder. “Then wish for something you want.”

The tender moment made Ray’s heart swell. All she could do was sigh happily as Len blew out the candle.

Ray’s hand delicately danced across the soft fabric that stretched across Len’s chest. “What’d you wish for?” She asked, resting her hand on his shoulder. 

Len turned his head in and placed a kiss on Raylin’s temple. “Can’t say. Won’t come true then.”

Ray breathed a laugh and took the plate from Len’s hands. At his questioning look, the woman slid the plate to the small side table an arm’s length away and said, “Later. Unbuckle your belt.”

Leonard had a look of muted excitement; eyes burning, a feral smile pulling at his lips, hands twitching and rushing to unfastened his buckle and push his jeans down past his hips before Raylin could settle between his legs. 

“Kinda wanna eat while you do this.” He said, voice low and rough.

Ray shrugged as she got down on her knees, digging into the square of carpet beneath the chair. “Hey, it’s you birthday, live your life.” She said nonchalantly. 

Len sighed when Ray pulled him out of his boxers. “Nah.” He moaned, shimming foreword to the edge of the seat. “Wanna focus you.”

Raylin hummed, running her enclosed hand up and down Leonard’s hardening shaft. 

He leaned his head back, pressing his crown into the back of the chair. A deep groan rumbled from his chest when Raylin wrapped her lips around the head of his cock. “Fuck, it’s been too long.”

He was right. They touched down at the beginning of November and haven’t been intimate with each other the night Len came back. That night Leonard took Raylin apart atom by atom over the course of three hours with his tongue, hands, and… well, you get the picture. It wasn’t bad, but it felt desperate, like Len was trying to consume Ray wholly and imprint himself into her in the deepest crevices of her body. 

Granted, he was just resurrected after god knows how long and hadn’t seen Ray all that time, so it wasn’t something she wasn’t expecting. 

Ray exhaled deeply as she swallowed more of Len down. 

The thief cussed above her, one hand weaving itself in her loose hair. Not moving her closer or further, just holding her, letting her move up and down and bob her head on her own accord. Ray was no slouch when it came to this, she liked to think she was good at giving blow jobs, and with the way Len was panting and mumbling curses and praising phrases he thought so too.

“Fuck, Bambi, that fucking mouth of yours.” He grounded out. “Shit, anyone could walk in, huh? Wonder what they’d think about seeing you like this. On your knees for me.”

Raylin considered pulling off and cheekily replying, “Lucky thief?” But instead gently scrapped her teeth under his shaft. Len hissed in pleasure and his other hand joined the first in Raylin’s hair. 

“Kinda want that, wanna show you off. Show everyone how good my Bambi is.” 

Ray stifled a laugh. There was no way in hell Len would let anyone see her like this. Len out personally murder the person who saw Ray like this. Len did love showing Ray off to his colleagues; having her brandish her genius to Hartley or her suit to Mardon. Flex her old billionaire status in front of his Rogues. But like this? Len would rather back out of his deal with Barry and kill the unfortunate soul who saw Ray and himself this vulnerable. 

She pulled out all the tricks she knew. Ray hummed and suckled and deep throated. She twirled her tongue and scrapped her teeth and pumped her hand over the length she couldn’t wrap her lips around. Finally, Ray hollowed out her cheeks and breathed out deeply before going as far down on Len as she could. He cussed again, his eyelids slipping down and growled deeply as he came. Ray swallowed and held the flaccid cock in her mouth for a few long seconds while Len calmed down before pulling off. 

The hands still in Raylin’s dark locks pulled her upward, dragging the engineer up to the thief’s mouth into a searing kiss. Len licked out the residue of his cum out of Raylin’s mouth, hands migrating from her scalp to the base of her neck, pulling her as close as he could. 

As he pulled away, Leonard smirked and sang, “Happy birthday to me~.” 

Ray scrunched her nose and giggles. “Kissing me was kinda gross considering what I just did to you.”

“I dunno, I think it’s kinda hot.” Len groaned, going to adjust himself back into his boxers. Ray had to straddled herself over his lap to allow Len to do this. 

Once he was done he pulled Raylin down into his lap and tucked her head underneath his chin, wrapping his arms around her as Ray’s hands rested over his chest. 

“So did you have a good birthday?”

Len blows an unruly piece of Ray’s hair away from his face. “If it was bad before it certainly isn’t now.”

Ray smacked his chest. “Come one.” She egged. “How was your day with Mick and Lisa?”

“It was good. Held up a gas station then pilfered an ATM.”

“… I can’t tell if your kidding or not.”

Len chuckled and kissed the crown of his girlfriend’s head. “I know you can’t.”

—-

The wrapping wasn’t… the best, Raylin would admit. And yes, someone with four doctorates in engineering and robotics should be able to sufficiently wrap a present, but yet!

It didn’t matter. The new (and very much improved (no offense, Cisco)) cold gun was now officially wrapped and under the meager plastic Christmas tree set up in the warehouse.

It was a cute tree. Lisa and Ray spent all December 23 decorating it and stringing lights and tinsel about the corner, pushing recliners and excess couches around the faux foliage for Christmas morning (sometime it paid living in an abandoned furniture warehouse).

Ray had sneak downstairs once Len was completely asleep to wrap his gift and leave it beneath the tree. 

Turns out Leonard’s favorite holiday was Christmas (it should not have been as big of a surprise as it was to Ray, all things considering. In the winter, you get things, shiny objects are everywhere, shoppers are to busy to notice an unwanted hand in their pocket...) and for the past week he’s been glued to Ray’s side, doing all sorts of cheesy holiday dating stuff that Ray thought Len would blanch at. Like watching old Christmas movies, drinking copious amounts of hot cocoa, ice skating, all the good old fashion dates. 

To say Raylin was swooning would be an understatement. 

Hopefully Len will like the cold gun. Ray really hope Len wouldn’t think she was over stepping in some way. Oh, god what if she was over stepping. Len probably lived that gun. He’s had it for years, it was practically an extension of him. Maybe it wasn’t too late to go out and get-

“You okay there, Clara?”

Ray whipped her head around to see Len leaning against the back of the couch, and off look of peace across his face. 

Ray forced a small smile to hide her inner panic. “Does that make you my nutcracker?”

Len smiled softly before walking around to the front of the couch. “I was wondering how you gonna slip your present under the tree. Considering I’ve been following for, oh, two weeks whenever you left the building to see what you got me.”

Ray gasped a shocked laugh. “You can’t do that! You’ll ruin the surprise!”

Len chuckled and sat down. “Doesn’t matter, you didn’t go to any stores anyway, and no deliveries, so I wasn’t even sure you gonna get me anything.” He ended the sentence a bit sadly. 

Ray came over sat next to him. “Of course I got you something. You got me my gift like, last month.”

The look of shock that streaked across Len’s face made Ray break out into laughter. 

“Don’t know why I’m surprised.” Len grumbled to himself, “Not like I taught you how to spy on someone.”

Ray smothered her laughs with her hand. Len looked positively miserable for being caught. “I don’t know what it is, I just know you got it.”

Len rolled his eyes and glanced at the clock on the wall. “Hey, it’s Christmas.”

Ray looked over at the old analog. 1:12, December 25. Christmas. 

Two strong arms curled around Ray’s midsection and pulled her to Len’s chest. Cold lips pressed a kiss to her exposed neck and Ray giggles at the feeling. 

“So do I get my present?” The thief’s deep tenor vibrated Ray’s chest cavity. 

She hummed in thought. “You’re gonna look regardless, aren’t you?”

Ray could feel Len smirk into her neck. “See? You really are a genius.”

Ray sighed a chuckled and snatched the poorly wrapped present from beneath the tree, handing it to Len. 

The thief raised an amused eyebrow at the wrapping, but said nothing. Carefully, he peeled away the paper, and removed the lid from the cardboard box. 

Ray had begun nibbling on her fingers out of nervousness. Not blinking as Len unwrapped his gift. 

—-

Leonard Snart was hardly ever surprised. Very rarely could people catch him completely off guard. But looking down at the weapon in his lap, the craftsmanship and design, the idea of Raylin toiling away to create something like this, for him…

“How… long did this take to make?”

Ray seemed confused by the question. “Um, I’ve been toying with an alternate design since I first saw it, but from actually designing to finish product? About seven months.”

Len ran a hand over the sleek barrel. “We were still on the Waverider then.” He observed monotonously. 

Ray flushed. “Yeah, well-“

“We started seeing each other seven months ago.” 

Ray sighed in embarrassment. “Okay, so I started designing this practically the day after we got together, but I couldn’t make it on the ship since we never had enough time or the right materials, so about two days after we came back I started construction? But, like if you don’t like it-“

“How does it work?” He cut her off, gingerly lifting the weapon. 

Ray looked surprised but shrugged, brushing off Len’s behavior. 

Pale fingers pointed to a dial at the end of the barrel. “So, there’s six settings. Straight stream at 0 kelvin, straight stream at 0 Celsius, and straight stream at -20 Fahrenheit. Then there’s the cold zone setting, snow setting, and icicle shot setting.” She went briefly into what each setting did, then explained the safety lock on the trigger so that the gun would only shoot if you press the hidden safety button on the side. Then Ray explained how the new cold cell was more stable and the holding case wasnt as flimsy as Cisco’s. 

Len just sort of nodded along numbly. Because holy shit, Raylin made him a new cold gun. A better cold gun, with settings and a safety guard and one that won’t give him frost nip and he can change the strength of the stream so it won’t hurt people and dear god Len could just lay his heart bare to this wonderful woman who thinks of everything he never did. 

Words got stuck in Len’s throat. Words he’s wanted to say forever and a day since he decided he wanted Ray. They got caught and he nearly choked because they would let air in.

“Lenny? Are you alright?” Ray’s slender hand (that created this damn fine piece of machinery-) landed on Len’s shoulder softly. 

Len exhaled. “I love you.”

Ray blanched. Probably for good reason, seeing as the thief has never said that before. Leonard could probably imagine what was going through her head. That he felt obligated to say it because she gifted him this amazing gun, or that he felt his gift to her wasn’t up to par so he’s just saying it to make up for it, lots of other sad explanations that Ray would whole-heartedly agree with if someone didn’t tell her otherwise. 

Len gently laid the gun back into its box before curling his fingers around Raylin’s. 

He had to swallow before he said anything. Had to remind himself Lewis wasn’t there anymore to hurt him. Lewis would never be able to hurt Ray, to use Ray against him. It’s okay to be in love, that it’s okay to have feelings for someone and okay to say those feeling when you know they felt the same way. His brain knew that but the weight in his stomach did not. 

“Raylin…” He drawled, dropping the bravado he typically displayed, “I, without a single shred of doubt, love you.” He stressed the last two words, looking directly into the hero’s brown eyes. “You… you are so important to me.” God, so much for his silver tongue. About a thousand voices were yelling in Len’s head, saying that this was a mistake, that this was a weakness, that she’ll leave him for someone who serves her, that she’ll betray him. “I can’t imagine you without me or me without you anymore. And, and-“

Ray pulled Len to her, the gun pinned between them. 

“I love you, too.”

Her voice was whisper soft, and silenced all the yelling in his head. 

Len exhaled heavily and didn’t realize he was crying until his eyes began itching irritably. The weight in his stomach lessened entirely and Len ducked his head into Raylin’s neck. 

“Sorry for crying.” He mumbled, voice muffled by her hair and clothes. 

“Sorry for making you cry.” She didn’t sound apologetic at all. She sounded happy. “Did you like your present?”

Len gave a wet chuckle and wrapped his arms around his girlfriend, ignoring the biting pressure of the boxed weapon. 

“It’s perfect.”

—-

Raylin, blindfolded, squirmed in the passenger seat of the car as Leonard drove, the sound of cheesy Christmas carols filled the cabin of the car along with the artificial warmth from the heaters.

“I don’t even get a hint?”

“Come one, Bambi, you’re smart enough to piece it together with one hint.”

“Your faith in my intelligence is astounding.”

When the car finally rolled to a stop, Ray’s hands twitched to the blindfold over her eyes, a smile pulling at her mouth. 

“Can I see, can I see?”

Len chuckled. If Ray was paying attention she would have heard the strain in it. 

“Sure, go ahead.” 

Ray ripped off the cloth and stared ahead of her excitedly. Then confused. 

The scene was familiar. Familiar yard to a familiar house with old, familiar decorations and a familiar wreath on the door. 

“This is… this is my mom’s house.”

Len hummed in agreement. 

“She moves here after Anna died, to be closer to me.”

Ray looked to Len with question. “I thought that we weren’t-“

“You miss your family.” Len interrupted, quietly. “And you miss helping people through PalmerTech, and you miss you tricked out lab, and you miss-“ He exhaled deeply. “You miss your old life. And I get that, that’s fine.” He finally looked to Ray, who looked very nearly on the brink of tears. “And I figured if anyone’s smart enough to keep their old life and new life it’s be you.”

“Wait, so-“

“I’m okay with you going back to the public.” Len finalized. “And where else better than to start at home?”

Now tears were just quietly streaming down Ray’s face as she smiled widely. “I’m gonna have to lie a lot to keep my secrets.”

Len smirked and pecked a kiss to her moist cheek. “That’s why you’ve got a professional liar in you corner, Bambi.” 

She shuddered a breath, nearly a laugh and Len nuzzled her hair with his nose. 

“Go see your mom.”

“Are you gonna come with me?”

“Let’s… have her get used to the idea you’re still alive before we introduce the criminal boyfriend, alright Bambi?”

Ray laughed, a little hysterically before nodding furiously. “Oh, god, totally, um, right!” She ran her fingered through her hair and wiped her face. “So, how do I look?”

She looked distressed and excited. Nervous and happy. Red eyes and white teeth. 

Len smiled softly. “You look perfect.”

She looked like everything Len wanted to lock away and protect but he had no right to. The swell of panic rose from his stomach to throat like bile, but he swallowed it down. He can freak out in private when Ray couldn’t see the breakdown. 

Because if Ray couldn’t handle old and new life, she’d have to pick between two, and no matter which she chose, Len would make her pick old life. With her distant mom and angry brother and multi-billionaire company where she was doing the world leagues of good. Because new life had adventure, sure, but old life was safer, and Len needed Ray to be safe. 

She smiled brightly and kissed him sweetly, cold finger tips pressing into his cheeks. 

It was hard watching Ray scamper up the driveway, to watch her knock on the decorated door. Hard to watch as a short woman with sandy brown hair with tasteful grey highlights look at the younger woman in shock and gasp, tears welling in her familiar brown eyes and pulling Ray, who was swathed in a grey pea coats, into the house with a motherly ferocity. It hurt more when somehow despite the distance and the white noise from the radio, Len heard the door clock close. 

Ray was in the house. With her mother. Reconnected. 

This was fine. 

Len presses his forehead to the steering wheel and swallowed the nausea of worry down. Jesus since when was reigning in his emotions so hard? It’s like ever since he came back from the Vanishing Point, his self control was back to square one. Like he was some teenager trying not to cry in the infirmary after some of the tougher inmates caught him without Mick in the yard. 

It was annoying. Snarts pride themselves of their cool exterior, and Len’s was cracking like ice under a heat lamp. It was pathetic. He could practically hear Lewis snarling at him, telling him to man up and to stop being such a pussy, such a disappointment. 

Hit tears rolled off Len’s face and into his lap, and he seethed air through his teeth. The weight in his stomach returned with a vengeance, and it felt like it was pulling him to the earth’s core while his head wanted to float to the stars, his vice grip on the steering wheel the only feather to the world. 

Len swallowed thickly to reign himself in. He ordered himself to focus on good things. Like Lisa, happy and bright in her seasonal red dress and a golden wrapped gift for Cisco (Len knew it was a spring of mistletoe and let her leave with it anyway). Like Mick, not so discreetly pouring booze into his eggnog and hot cocoa while he unwrapped his gifts (a stack of money from Len, new coat from Lisa, and a monogrammed lighter from Raylin). Like Raylin. Sweet, kind-hearted, stubborn, wonderful Raylin and her wide eyes and soft kisses and her face looking towards the future. Raylin with her long dark hair and good intentions and beautiful brain that trumped any and all competition. Raylin who would so be better off… without Len. 

God, didn’t the truth hurt. 

Len stomped his foot on the floor as if to banish those thoughts. He was Captain Cold, dammit! With a slick new gun and quick wit and a team! A world renowned thief! A selfish bastard who reveled in his title and went out of his way to prove he deserved it. He’s stolen jewels, art, secrets, money, never selling or spending if he could help it, like a dragon with it’s treasure. 

Fuck it all if Raylin deserved better. Right now she wanted Len, and he intended to keep her as long as she stayed, put up a fight if she left, be as selfish as he pleases until Raylin used that beautiful brain of hers to figure out Len’s not good enough and never will be. 

The playful first lines of “Baby it’s cold outside” leaked from the radio like smoke. 

“I really can’t stay…”

“I’ve got to go away…”

“This evening has been…”

Len shut the radio off. 

He counted his hoard. Lisa, Mick, cold gun Raylin. Millions in small bills, diamonds, paintings, and Raylin. The Flash’s secret identity, the Arrow’s real name, the location of their base of operations, and Raylin. 

He had Raylin. 

He had Raylin. 

He had Raylin. 

That’s what matters.


End file.
